WHAT MOVES US: REALITY OR OUR INTERPRETATION

by Herb Rubenstein
CEO, Herb Rubenstein Consulting

Introduction

Two incidents that occurred within one minute of each other yield a conclusion that is as inescapable as it terrible. The conclusion is our interpretation of what is happening is what we react to, not what actually happens. This may be a harsh conclusion to reach. Possibly the scope of this conclusion is limited by the many “rational people” who actually react more to what occurs than their own interpretation of what occurs. I doubt it. Here’s what happened at the Hartsfield International Airport at 9:36 on 12/30/02.

The Events As Interpreted

I got off the plane from Minneapolis to Atlanta and asked the agent meeting the plane, “Where is the gate for Dulles airport, Washington?” She said “C12”. I walk to gate C12 and the sign said “Dallas.” I got mad instantly, thinking the agent was wrong or she did not hear me correctly and quickly thought that I might have a long way to walk to my correct gate. I then stood in front of two people working at the counter at C12. One was shuffling papers, while the other was on the phone. I waited patiently and no one greeted me. A woman walked up to my right, directly in front of the person on the phone and interrupted his phone conversation and asked, where is the gate for her city? The person on the phone told her “C4”. I again got angry, both at the woman who walked right up to the person on the phone (she “cut in”) and got mad at the person on the phone because I thought he should have known I was standing there before her needing assistance and should not have assisted the “latecomer” before assisting me.

A More Objective Look At The ‘Real’ Facts

As soon the man behind the counter answered the woman’s question, I moved over to be directly in front of him and asked, “Where is the gate for Dulles?” He pointed directly to his right, pointing to another section of gate C12 (called C12A) and the sign said “Washington Dulles.” Immediately, I realized the first agent had not made a mistake in telling me gate C12 for my connecting flight to Dulles airport.

Then, I took a moment to reflect on my interpretation of the other “incident” where the person walked up to the counter after me but was assisted before me. I then realized that she was assisted first because she was more effective than I in engaging the person behind the counter, in getting his attention, asking him her question and in securing the answer to her question.

Quickly, my reaction and attitude changed by getting a clear sense of what actually happened (i.e., that I was at the right gate and the agent was not wrong in telling me gate C12). And I became clear that the person assisted the latecomer, who may not have noticed I was waiting to be assisted, because the latecomer performed more effectively than I in getting the attention of the employee.

Lessons Learned

These back to back situations took place within less than one minute. They show the problems and pitfalls of what we call jumping to the wrong conclusion. A conclusion, as defined by Webster, is our interpretation of what occurs, of reality. They show clearly that a “standard operating procedure” of mine is to interpret our observations quickly, react to our interpretations, and not understand what actually occurred at all. Not understanding reality (which takes time) and being controlled by our quick interpretation or conclusion can lead us very quickly down the road where we are gripped and controlled by our interpretation and can not see or be guided by what actually occurred.

Nothing New

This “revelation” or thought is certainly nothing new. People learn it over and over day in and day out. Being nearly 50 years old and standing, at the Hartsfield International Airport, I “learned it again for the first time.” The value of being in touch with how we as humans (or at least myself) react to our “interpretation” rather than react to “reality” (the more objective, accurate facts as they occurred) is actually quite high. Putting myself on alert that I am quick to jump to conclusions, makes me realize that sometimes (and far too often) I jump to a conclusion so quickly that at that moment I do not have enough information to reach any correct conclusion at all about what actually occurred. (Until I knew the actual gate of the Dulles plane I could never know if the first agent was wrong or not).

Yet Something Profound and Useful
The implications of this “new” understanding are incredibly useful. First, it can help someone (like me or you) develop a new grounding and system for collecting all of the necessary information before making an erroneous conclusion and reacting to that false conclusion. This will make me (and possibly you) a better observer, more thoughtful and more careful decision maker. The second part of this incident helped me locate an area of improvement for myself. The lesson of the person who walked up to the counter after me but was assisted before me is now clear. I must become more effective in getting someone’s attention, being acknowledged, and getting my requests answered in a timely manner (at least before the person who walks up after me).

Conclusion

Philosophers have long argued if “reality” is one’s “interpretation” of what happened (the “subjective reality”) or is what “actually occurred” (“objective reality”). Neither the “reality” TV programs nor this short article sheds absolutely any light on that agreement. Rather, this article is designed simply to assist people in seeing how powerful a “standard operating principle” of reacting to our “interpretation” (our uninformed opinion) rather than reacting to what actually occurred, is in our daily lives. Appreciating the existence of this makes us see what a trap we can fall into by jumping to a false or premature (and inaccurate) conclusion. At the Hartsfield airport my immediate “cost” was to be angry for a minute or two until I could see the actual situation more accurately. However, the bigger cost that I believe hits me and others in many situations where we react to our interpretations rather than to the actual facts is that we never get “over” being mad in response to our interpretation and never take a second look at a situation to gain more information and see reality more accurately.

I wonder how many relationships (business and personal) we have thrown away, how many racist, biased and hateful attitudes we have maintained and how much anger and mistrust we have kept inside ourselves, taught others, and multiplied by reacting only to our interpretation and not understanding the objective reality we could not have seen accurately when we quickly jumped to the wrong conclusion. Food for thought.

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